Today

Today I decided to look up the definition of beautiful and this is what I found...

Beautiful ~ comely, seemly, attractive, fair, beauteous. Beautiful, handsome, lovely, pretty  refer to a pleasing appearance. A person or thing that is beautiful  has perfection of form, color, etc., or noble and spiritual qualities: a beautiful landscape, a beautiful woman. Handsome  often implies stateliness or pleasing proportion and symmetry: a handsome man.  That which is lovely  is beautiful but in a warm and endearing way: a lovely smile. Pretty  implies a moderate but noticeable beauty, especially in that which is small or of minor importance: a pretty child.

The whole reason why I decided to find the definition is because of my boyfriend. He's been so supportive and wonderful and it's only been 5 months. I know it seems mushy and a lot of people don't care to know about how amazing he makes me feel but they don't realize really why I feel I have to point it out.

Before being with him I was with someone that didn't care about me and didn't want me to truly be happy about myself. I had friends and family know about what was going on, from fighting and screaming at each other, to bruises that I had to hide while going to work or out with friends. I know that the people that knew about what was happening wanted me to leave the situation but not everyone understood why I couldn't leave. A lot of people say "it's easy, just pack up your stuff and leave, you know you don't deserve that," trust me I know and I've also said it to people myself. I always thought of myself as a very strong woman that didn't need someone around to make me feel like I mattered or to tell me that I was loved.

The problem with knowing these things is that when you get into a situation where someone is hurting you, you don't realize how much better you can have it. I'm not saying that you turn into a completely ignorant person that doesn't see whats happening or doesn't understand that it's wrong. You know whats happening is wrong and you know that there has to be someone, anyone out there that could treat you better. What I'm saying is that when your in that type of situation, it usually happens after becoming emotionally attached to the person, which is what happened to me. I became so in love with someone for the first time in my life and I never thought that what I went through would ever happen to me. 

After some time of processing and working on myself, I was reunited with someone I never thought I would ever speak to again. It had been years since we had spoken and I never in a million years would have thought that the feelings we had for each other would still be there. Even after moving away from home and trying to get over the biggest heart break I could ever imagine having to go through, he was still there. He spoke to me every day and night and was always so supportive when I was going through a hard time. I started smiling again, finally feeling that I could be truly happy. After a few months of us talking we decided (well he decided, I was just happy to oblige ^.^) to try again. We had dated before, but never truly given each other a chance to see what it would actually be like to be together.


Months after the beginning and we are still going strong. He makes me laugh and smile, he treats me like a queen and never makes me feel like anything less. He knows me and loves who I am. I don't feel like I have to impress anyone with him and for the first time in what feels like forever I am so very happy.


So back to the beginning. The man I'm with is the reason why I looked up the definition of beautiful. Being with someone for so long that never saw me as beautiful, I found myself denying the man I'm with now the right to tell me I'm beautiful. He tells me every day that he thinks I'm so beautiful and sadly, at the start of us being together, I didn't believe him. Even today I find it hard to see at times so today was my day for inspiration. I found the definition online and posted it for all to see. I understand why he thinks I'm beautiful and I think everyone deserves to feel the way he has made me feel in only a short while.

We are all beautiful people. Whether we aren't told ever, or told everyday. We all have our own spunky habits that make us who we are. People no matter what race, religion, ect. deserve to feel beautiful. I can only hope that someday I can give strength and power to women that have been in my shoes or are still going through what I went through. I want people, especially women, to know that they aren't alone, I know what it feels like to feel so alone and so scared that telling someone will cause more trouble. I want women to know that yes it's insanely scary to move on and start your life brand new. It's the scariest thing anyone could go through, with that said though it is 100% worth it. Life can be so much better and you can feel so free when you know you don't have to feel that way. Support is always there from family, friends, even new loves.


Thank you to everyone that has been there for me. Especially thank you to the one person that was there all the way through everything. Thank you to my Pie. Without you I wouldn't have made it through to the happiness I feel now. I can love, laugh, and live now because of you. Thank you to my friends and family who have supported me through the hardest moments. Thank you to my new love who fought with me tooth and nail to make me see the beauty that was hidden for so long. I appreciate everything everyone has done for me and I hope I can help everyone through the times when they need support the most.                                -End